The school of self-awareness is a life-long class.

—John Maxwell

Self-awareness is not just about the knowledge of one's strengths and weaknesses. It is about being honest with oneself.

—Daniel Goleman

Brené Brown astutely captures a universal struggle: "Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it." This sentiment underscores the arduous journey of self-awareness, which often involves the challenging process of unlearning deep-seated fears and doubts. Let me explain.

From the moment we're born, we're thrust into a world of bright lights, noises, and sensory overload. Yet, somehow, we come equipped with an intuitive grasp of our basic needs, articulated through coos, gurgles, cries, and giggles that are familiar enough that parents can usually respond accordingly. In infancy, our desires are made known without any reservation but as we grow, societal constructs shaped our speech and behavior, instilling in us a laundry list of cultural norms, religious ideologies, political orientations, and so much more. Of course, guiding and nurturing our children is important but often the lofty aspirations and ambitions of our parents or guardians seem to exceed their own. While at the same time, inadvertently failing to protect us from inheriting their limiting beliefs and biases that kept them from achieving those aspirations, beliefs stemming from generational trauma and the residue of their own inadequacies and insecurities.

Many of our parents and grandparents experienced the impact of the Great Depression. I know my own family experienced the purging of furniture, keep-sakes, clothing, and even baby teeth from 75 years ago all saved due to the immense fear of scarcity experienced during that dreadful time in history. But they are not alone, today, we have only begun to discover the long-term impact our navigation of COVID will have on our grandchildren and great grandchildren. My youngest daughter and son missed out on key celebrations of life, like graduation, and the joy of freedom that should come along with your freshman year of college.

You see, owning your story is not simply hard work because you’ve lived it, it’s hard work because it requires that we take time to reflect on our lives with a willingness to unlearn what no longer serves us and to learn new pathways that allow us to break free from the generational wounds that have kept us from truly knowing ourselves so we may lead ourselves into new frontiers. It requires us to let go of the past and the impositions we allow it to have on our present and future realities.

This is our task today!

STEP 1: KNOW YOURSELF TO LEAD YOURSELF

To truly live a life of impact, influence, and legacy, it's essential to start with self-awareness. In Six Keys to Living an Intentional Life, I write about two of my favorite tools for this journey, the Know Yourself to Lead Yourself Tool from GiANT and the 5 Voices Personality Assessment. Using these tools you begin to live life more authentically, understanding who you are, aligning your actions with your core values, and building the life that is more closely aligned with meaning and purpose. By addressing our habitual patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior, we can transform our lives despite our core personalities remaining consistent.

The Know Yourself to Lead Yourself Tool helps you move beyond illusions, fostering self-awareness to face your current reality and take back the responsibility for shaping it. By understanding and addressing your deeply rooted tendencies, you can make intentional choices to define a new reality.

STEP 2: FREE YOURSELF FROM SELF PRESERVATION

How can we keep growing in self-awareness without slipping back into old habits? Some think introspection is just navel-gazing, but that's not the point. Knowing ourselves to lead ourselves is about getting healthier so we can help others. Think of it like putting on your oxygen mask first so you can help those around you. You can’t help others if you’re struggling to breathe yourself.

We can't give what we don't have, and we can't share what we're scared to lose or hide. Self-preservation might protect us from immediate threats, but it also traps us in a fearful and insecure mindset, blocking deeper, impactful relationships. Often, we avoid asking tough questions because we prefer to hide or distract ourselves from things we don't like about ourselves. Ask yourself: What am I afraid of losing? What am I trying to hide? What am I trying to prove, and to whom? The secret to peace lies in embracing and loving our full selves, warts and all. Addressing these questions is crucial, especially for those navigating midlife and retirement, where meaningful relationships and lasting impact are more important than ever. Consider the side effects of self-preservation: Limited Personal Growth, Strained Relationships, Missed Opportunities, Increased Anxiety and Stress, Isolation and Loneliness, Negative Health Impacts, Lack of Fulfillment, Reduced Resilience, Rigid Thinking and Behavior, and Decreased Motivation and Drive.

STEP 3: ADOPT A LEADER MINDSET

I know what you're thinking right now: "Les, you obviously don't know me. I'm no leader..." But here's the truth: whether you realize it or not, you are leading every day. As someone navigating midlife or retirement, you're influencing your family, friends, and community more than you might think. The Leader Mindset is about embracing this influence and striving for the highest possible good in those around you. It’s about helping others reach their full potential and overcome challenges, not just in professional settings but in every aspect of your life.

Adopting the Leader Mindset means committing to uplift those around you, providing the right balance of support and challenge, and clearly communicating roles and expectations. Reflect on your interactions and recognize any patterns that might hinder progress. It's essential that your loved ones see your genuine commitment to their growth. This builds trust and allows you to better understand their needs, offering the support that helps them thrive. By living this mindset, you can inspire those around you, driving your circle towards success and meaningful impact, and leaving a lasting legacy.

STEP 4: THE 5 CIRCLES OF INFLUENCE

Now that you have embraced the Leader Mindset, you might be wondering, "Where do I start?" The 5 Circles of Influence is a powerful framework for understanding how to be intentional in every aspect of your life, especially as you move through the second half of life. We all have the tendency to drift into living on autopilot, hoping things will just work out. But hope alone isn’t enough to build strong relationships or make a lasting impact. Intentionality is what makes the difference. When you focus on being intentional—starting with yourself—you set the stage for everything else in your life to improve.

This process begins with prioritizing your own well-being, forming the foundation for how you interact with others. Just like putting your own oxygen mask on first in an emergency, taking care of your physical and mental health ensures you’re in a position to help those around you. From there, you can extend this intentionality to your family, friends, and wider community, making sure each area of your life is grounded in purpose. By focusing first on yourself and then gradually expanding your efforts outward, you create a life of meaningful influence and resilience, ultimately leaving a lasting legacy.

Take Action

As Brené Brown reminds us, "Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it." This sentiment underscores the necessity of leaders with a greater sense of self-awareness, especially in a world filled with unprecedented challenges. From the long-lasting impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic to the growing mental health crisis and the pressing need for social cohesion, our world is crying out for leaders who can inspire and guide with wisdom and compassion.

The Long-Life Mindset is a simple (but not easy) four-step process that lays the groundwork for enduring influence. By knowing yourself to lead yourself, freeing yourself from self-preservation, adopting a leader mindset, and applying intentionality across all circles of influence, you create a foundation for a life of impact and legacy. Each step builds upon the last, forming a comprehensive approach to leadership that begins with self-awareness and extends to family, friends, groups, and the broader community. This mindset not only enhances your life but creates a lasting influence, the long-life mindset, that endures long after our names are forgotten, leaving a positive legacy for generations to come.

Join us in this transformative journey. Text MINDSET to (888) 599-4491 to receive your Long-Life Mindset Journal Prompts or email [email protected] to schedule your Life Repurposed Introductory Call TODAY. Let’s raise up a generation of leaders who know themselves, lead themselves, and inspire others to do the same. Your intentional actions can make a profound difference in the lives of those around you and create a legacy that stands the test of time.

Learn more about ways you can navigate life's many transitions with our Howard Bailey Coaching Community offerings. Schedule a Life Repurposed Call with Les McDaniel, Howard Bailey's Chief Purpose Officer.

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