Freedom After 50: You’re Not Looking for Advice—You’re Looking for Alignment
You start to share something real. Not a headline. Not a complaint. Something deep. Personal. Maybe even sacred.
But before your breath can settle, the mind chatter begins…
Oh, of course. Advice. Because clearly what I need right now is a tidy little framework to fix the part of me that’s falling apart. Not presence. Not space. Not someone to just sit in the mess with me, but steps. Solutions. A motivational quote, maybe. Sure. Let’s just skip the humanity and jump straight to productivity.
But I do not say any of that. I nod. I smile. Because they are trying. Because they do not know they just made it worse.
Can you relate to that deep, almost unbearable urge to scream in their face;
not because you are angry, but because they missed you completely?
Yeah. Me too.
As a coach, I care deeply. Maybe too much. I want to help, to offer value, to make people feel seen. But that instinct can hijack the moment. I have explained when I should have just listened. Offered answers when a pause would have been more loving. I have done it with clients. With friends. And most painfully, with my wife.
It’s not unusual at all for me to jump into full rescue mode. Mapping out every outcome. Trying to be her rock. Her knight in shining armor. In those moments, she will often gently lean in (and sometimes with a foot to the tail end): "I do not need a hero. I need a husband."
Because she’s right. I’m not helping. I’m fixing. And in doing so, I’m missing what she really needs—presence.
I wear a lot of hats. But the coaching one comes with a chin strap. It locks in before I realize it and rarely comes off without effort. What once brought clarity can cloud connection if I am not paying attention. And to be real, I often don’t want to pay attention. I just want to fix it and move on.
That is why I give all my clients and our staff permission to hit the pause button in our coaching sessions. Because I forget—often. I get caught in my own “genius.” Sure, I want the best for people. But I am learning that my best does not always mean more.
Sometimes, it means less…well…of Les.
Advice might offer answers. But alignment brings peace.
That shift from advice to alignment is more than a mindset tweak. It is a change in posture. A different way of navigating uncertainty, especially in the second half of life. You stop chasing fixes and start listening for resonance. You begin to realize that the real wisdom is not found in what others tell you, but in what your soul has been whispering all along.
When Advice Misses the Mark.
Think about how many times you have asked for input, hoping someone else could offer clarity, only to walk away feeling even more confused or disconnected. It is not that they did not care. It is that their advice was not calibrated to your season of life, your values, or your capacity.
You are no longer built for one-size-fits-all strategies. You have seen too much; carried too much. Your wisdom has been earned, often the hard way. So, when advice ignores your limits, your wiring, or your wellbeing, it does more than miss the mark. It costs you something.
We live in a world that still praises hustle and decisiveness. But the longer you have been alive, the more you understand that rushed decisions rarely age well. The cost of pushing through without reflection shows up in ways advice cannot repair.
Sleeplessness. Resentment. Emotional disconnection. A body that is always bracing.
I recently spoke with a client of ours who shared the unbelievable personal growth he experienced while overcoming Type II Diabetes. His new habits have quite literally saved his life and sparked a passion to help others build healthier lives. But he also confessed how frustrating it has been to see his friends and family resist the very changes he knows could help them.
He is living proof that transformation is possible, yet even those closest to him cannot seem to make the leap. As we talked, I asked him, "How long did it take you to make that commitment?" He admitted it took a while—long enough, in fact, to become diabetic. Then I asked, "How many times did you fail or fall short before it finally stuck?" Again, he was honest. It took many attempts. More than he wanted to admit.
I suggested that maybe if he entered those conversations not with answers, but with empathy, he might gain more ground. If he could lead with vulnerability and share the struggle instead of just the solution, it might offer something better than advice. It might offer grace. The kind that says, "I know how hard this is. I have been there too."
This is what often gets lost in advice. We forget how hard the climb was. We simplify the struggle, and what once came from empathy turns into oversimplified certainty.
Advice that does not honor a person’s whole being, their body, their spirit, or their stage of life is not guidance. It is noise.
How Alignment Feels When You Finally Find It
Alignment is not about figuring everything out. It is about living in a way that no longer betrays what you know to be true. It is subtle, but unmistakable. You say “yes” without guilt. You say “no” without long explanations. You choose pace over pressure.
You begin making decisions that do not require recovery afterward. And your body knows the difference.
You stop waking up in dread.
You stop managing your energy like it is always in deficit.
You stop bracing for impact every time a new responsibility shows up.
Because when your outer world starts reflecting your inner priorities, everything quiets. Not in a passive way, but in a powerful one.
You begin to recognize what wholeness feels like.
Not perfection.
Not certainty.
Just peace. The kind that stays.
Alignment Invitations
The truth is, we’ve all played both roles—blurting out advice too fast and bristling when it’s handed to us. So, what do we do when we are on the receiving end of misaligned advice? What about when we are tempted to give it ourselves?
These invitations speak to both. They help us navigate our own decisions with clarity, while also reminding us how to support others with compassion. When advice does not feel like enough, try these instead:
- 1. Honor the Pause
Before asking what you should do—or jumping in to help someone else—pause. Ask whether what is needed is clarity, or simply space to process. Sometimes, wisdom is not missing. It is just waiting for quiet. - Name What You Are Actually Craving
Are you seeking a plan, or are you seeking permission? And if you are offering guidance, ask what is really needed. Sometimes it is not direction. It is the freedom for the receiver to move at their own pace. Slower. Softer. More honest. - Let the Body Speak First
Whether you are holding a question or trying to help someone else with theirs, start with the body. If your breath is shallow, your sleep is off, or your stomach is tight, that matters. The body always tells the truth first. - Shift the Question
Instead of asking, what should I do? Try asking:- What feels sustainable, not just successful?
- What am I no longer willing to override?
- Where is my energy being drained and what would it look like to reclaim it?
- Respond with Presence, Not Performance
When someone opens up to you, resist the urge to fix. And when you open up to someone else, notice if you are slipping into performance. Offer space. Receive space. Presence is enough. - Return to the Rhythm That Is Yours
Not the one you were taught. Not the one that earns applause. The one that lets your breath come back. The one that honors your limits without apology. The one that does not cost you your peace. Because real alignment does not start with more doing. It starts with deeper listening.
The Deeper Turn
You do not need more people telling you what to do. Nor do I need to be doing that for others. We all just need to know that it is safe to trust what we already sense, especially when it runs counter to the pace and pressure of the world around us.
That sense of misalignment you have been feeling is not dysfunction. It is direction. It is your body, your soul, and your intuition all trying to bring you back to your center.
The answers you are looking for may not be out there, but they will rise quietly and steadily when you create the kind of life that can hear them.
And that is the deeper shift. Because ultimately, alignment is not a destination. It is a relationship with yourself. One built not on productivity or certainty, but on peace, presence, and permission.
Permission to live at a different rhythm. Permission to walk away from advice that disconnects you from your wholeness. Permission to stop chasing clarity and start practicing it.
That is how we move forward. Not just with more answers, but with more integrity. And not just for ourselves, but for the people around us who are still waiting for someone to show them it is possible. Someone who does not just share their strength, but remembers what it was like to be weak.